Feeling low? Getting bored at work? I’ve got 40 short funny quotes on life by famous people that’ll instantly make you laugh out loud.
I know how it always gets bored and tired sitting at the office and staring at your computer screen and stack of files (especially on Monday morning).
I always find these absolutely funny quotes on life, love and relationships, and inspirational quotes about life that cheer me up instantly especially when I have tons of work and zero motivation to do it.
Brighten up Your Inbox (& your day)!
Note: If you’re sitting at your office and reading these funny quotes on life, I want to warn you, you might literally laugh out loud and will only get your boss’s death glares in return. So try not to laugh too hard.
😂 “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns
😂 Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes! — Billy Connolly
😂 “Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.” – Jeffree Star
😂 “The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.” – Harlan Ellison
😂 “The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.” – Fred Allen
😂 People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. A. Milne
😂 “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” – Dorothy Parker
😂 “I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.” – Mitch Hedberg
😂 “It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.”– Navjot Singh Sidhu
😂 “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
😂 “My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.” – Indira Gandhi
😂 “Man has his will, but woman has her way.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
😂 “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” – Mark Twain
😂 “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.”
– Oscar Wilde
😂 “The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.”– Natalie Wood
😂 “If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.” – Rob Corddry
😂 “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
😂 “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.” – Ellen DeGeneres
😂 “The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.” – Robert Bloch
😂 “I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly.” – Peter Cook
😂 “Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” – Redd Foxx
😂 “Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.” – Steve Irwin
😂 “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” – Alan Dundes
😂 “When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.” – Richard Lewis
😂 “It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!”
– Steven Weinberg
😂 “If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”
– Theodore Roosevelt
😂 “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
– Thomas A. Edison
😂 “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”
– Steven Wright
😂 “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson
😂 “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”
– Steven Wright
😂 “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
– Winston Churchill
😂 “My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.” – Walter Matthau
😂 “A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.”
– Walter Bagehot
😂 “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.” – Bryan White
😂 “I hate women because they always know where things are.”
😂 “I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.”
– Woody Allen
😂 “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
– Will Rogers
Did you get a good laugh?
That’s great! Be a little generous now and send these quotes to your BFFs, friends and colleagues.
They might need cheering up as well…